I am nearly the end of college life here in wee Rexburg. I walk for graduation in July then student teach in the Fall. It is crazy to think that I will be done with this part of my life. I am have a hard time completely comprehending that a great time in my life is ending. I have built such an awesome life here. I have some of the best friends a person could ask for, a great rep. in the theatre dept., tons of great success stories and strife behind me. Why end something so awesome?
A few weeks ago I was faced with some very intense things. I realized all of my student slacking-ness left me in a GPA mess. I will, even with a absolute A in my one class, have a 2.9 GPA. I technically have to have a 3.0 to student teach. I was faced with the true reality of my stupidity. I have these long 5 years, been involved and part of some great things. However, I have let my grade continually slip down as the semesters slip by. To make a long story short, I petitioned for my allowance into student teaching and it was granted. Despite this the consequences I was feeling, and wanted to feel were intense. It made me realize just HOW scared I am about graduating. I was very grateful to have prayers, friend's advice, parental reprimanding, and blessings to get me through.
The sad thing, is that I can still see that my commitment level to change is very VERY low. I cannot figure out what my problem is exactly, but I do see I Need to Change. Now.
I had an interesting experience this weekend. It was my good friend and brother to my roommate/best friend's wedding. I tirelessly helped in the decorating and setting up saturday morning, and then got to party it up with friends saturday night. I did, though, got to me a very amazing lady. Joyce. She is Alex's step-grandma. She is fairly soft spoken lady with a lovely english accent. Alex had told me about the fact that she is has the gift/talent to "read" people. Kristin and I had voiced our interest in this being done to us. So we found an opportunity at the reception. Joyce, Alex, Kristin, and myself found a quite room to sit in and chat. We told next to nothing about us. She "read" Kristin, which was very cool. She talked about Kristin being married, and being very successful teaching etc... all very happy things. Then it was my turn. Almost the first things she said to me was, "You're grades are slipping." As the story above illustrates, this is very much the case. She continued one talking about how I need to recommit myself to school, to responsibilities and especially to my Health. She pretty much reprimanded me for a good 15 minutes about how there are a lot of things I need to change about my life style and my mentality about things. She was saying things that I matched the wording of things I had talked to my room mate about. In particular my perception of myself and what I think men are thinking of me. That the reason, dating is impossible, is that I think guys just see my weight and that's it. She told me that I needed to make some lifestyle changes especially in the Health department to see real change in my life. Though it was something I had always known, it was interesting hearing it from a practical stranger. I NEED to make these changes. NOW!
The last few things she talked about was a little of my future. That I would eventually find a husband. That he would be in theatre also, a professor. That together we would be successful in theatre and in my endeavors as a teacher. Though this part I am not going to but a whole lot of stock into that information, it was nice to hear.
and finally: She told me how I needed to not forget my potential. That I will be able to do a lot with my life, that I need to make a few better decisions now, then I will be able to be truly successful.
This along with several other talks, advice, occurrences, spiritual times that I have experienced over the past two weeks, I know this the answer to my prayers. Me changing now, is the thing in which my future and success hinges upon. I need to commit! I need to be better! I need to trust the Lord.
"Trust God, Love me, and Mend" ~ Benedick "Much Ado About Nothing"
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